Bro, I’m straight up not having a good time.

In this rant, I will be discussing two main points: social media and my own stupid brain.

First, I would like to say for the record that I am not trying to put down enjoyers of social media and/or any Bookstagrammer/Booktoker in any way- this is about my own feelings, not anything you’re doing. Keep getting people interested in reading. Please.

Social Media: I Don’t Like Doing It

A little over a year ago, when I was getting ready to start querying agents for The Silverwing, I started thinking seriously about my online presence as a writer.

My personal Instagram is private, and I thought it would be good to have a public platform for my “writer persona”- just another place potential agents can see a little bit of what I’m about and get general vibes. We all know it’s just like a job application: they’re going to check us on socials.

So, I created a public account to post about books (my main interest) and also my writing journey. I followed a few Bookstagrammers whose interests aligned with mine, as well as all the authors I’m a fan of, so I could keep up with their news. It was pretty sophomoric, just pictures of books in my house’s terrible lighting and photo collages made with the crappy ad-riddled editing app I downloaded on my phone. Example below-

View this post on Instagram

Cue the rest of the things that happened since then- Saige and I started this blog, we got really serious and started setting some great goals for our writing, and Saige also joined Instagram publicly as a writer.

Now, we’re going to talk up Saige for a second.

Saige has seriously impressive graphic design skills. I’ve never been good at it, but she can make these book posts that are just stunning. We were having a conversation a few months ago about how I’m struggling to make content that anyone sees (we’ll get there in a second), and Saige offered to help me out with my post designs- I put images and general content in Canva templates, and Saige dresses them up all pretty and makes them look professional.

In essence, Saige became my social media director. Check out this example of her wonderful work, from my account-

View this post on Instagram

Lovely, right?

The problem is… literally everything else.

Again, to reiterate, I am not trying to bash or criticize those brave people who do this everyday and are working hard to build up/maintain a following.

But I HATE this. I hate my phony-ass caption where I sound like a robot, I hate that I’m supposed to be asking questions to get viewers to engage with the content, I hate all of it. I hate feeling like I’m made of plastic. I hate following all these book accounts just so they’ll follow me back, I hate leaving comments on posts that make me sound faker than Cheez-Whiz (“I also loved this book! Nat Cassidy is my favorite!”).

It’s all so transactional, and it makes me feel like I’m covered in slime. Some people really like chatting up people on the internet, having riveting conversations about a shared interest, etc. I do not. Sharing more than two words with a stranger makes me feel terrible. There’s a reason I read a lot of books. I don’t like to go out and touch grass and interact with people.

Two things have really brought me to a breaking point with Bookstagram. The first was my attempt to make reels.

I already despise the way Instagram’s algorithm prioritizes reels over regular posts- there’s a fucking reason I don’t have TikTok. Endlessly scrolling through videos makes my brain feel like toothpaste. So I already didn’t like the concept.

I also recently signed up for NetGalley, which I thought would be fun. It’s where you can get advance audiobooks or ebooks for releases that aren’t out yet and give pre-release feedback. And that finally gave me an idea for what to do in a reel- review the ARCs, make reels doing it, get more views because that’s what Instagram wants us to do.

I made three reels, and I hate them all. I hate the sound of my voice, I hate the way I look for the two seconds I’m on screen, I hate the shitty lighting in my house that never lets me get clips that don’t look like they’re shot on a Sanyo flip phone from 2008.

Not only that, but I found myself checking the view counts constantly, plus my dashboard views, and getting actually disappointed and upset when they didn’t go up. It’s not healthy.

So reels got me reelly (heh) not feeling great.

Then there’s the whole marketing thing for Losing Air.

I am not a wealthy person. I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck my entire adult life, and while I have a bit of security now that I’m with my husband, it’s still not enough to be just shelling out large amounts of money on non-necessities. So, what’s the best way to market an upcoming self-published book without paying thousands to run online ads?

Social media.

So now that platform I’ve been trying to build for a year is finally going to be of use. Its original use- building my “writer persona” and getting an audience.

And it’s just not great.

I don’t like being pushy, I don’t like feeling like a salesman, and that’s really what marketing is- you’re trying to sell something.

Trying to hype people up for a book that a.) they can’t pre-order a physical copy of because I’m using KDP and they just… don’t let you do that??? b.) nobody cares about because nobody knows who I am and c.) will only add to their never-ending piles of to-be-read books is NOT fun.

I also tried to reach out to a few Bookstagrammers to try to give out some free ARCs of the book (not asking for promotion, just to spread it around as well as I could), and that was AWFUL. The adrenaline from typing out and sending those unsolicited DMs didn’t leave my body for hours. I actually had to lay down when I finished all of them.

So, not doing that again. Although I do appreciate the yes I got.

But Ava, the lack of engagement just means you’re doing something wrong!

Here’s the thing: I know. The kicker- I know what I would need to do, and I don’t want to do it.

Why?

Because I don’t want to be a Bookstagrammer.

I want to be a writer. All I wanted was a platform, but I was mistaken. Social media is not the answer for me. I applaud everyone who can make it work and put in the hours and dedication, but that’s not what I want to do. I want to write stories and have real people read them.

(psst. Hey. I’m talking about you right now. *wink*)

All this to say, I’m not going to be scrolling endlessly looking for new accounts to follow so they’ll follow me back, or spending time commenting on people’s posts when really the idea of a back-and-forth with a stranger on the internet makes me want to throw a banana at the wall, and I’m definitely not going to spend HOURS using Instagram’s shitty, glitchy reels making mechanic just to make videos that look and sound like I made them when I was six.

If I have something to say about my writing or some books I really enjoyed, I will post about that. I want my potential agents/fans to see what my interests are and what my personality is like. But I’m done trying to also be a Bookstagrammer.

Whew. Alright. That feels better.

Part two!

I Am Mentally Exhausted By Everything

I’ve been getting this thing more and more often lately- book burnout. I’ll get an audiobook, listen to the first twenty minutes and realize I’m not following anything that’s happening, and I return the Libby loan, thinking the book just wasn’t for me.

I know why. You may recall I read over 140 books last year. That is too many for me.

I am getting burnt out on audiobooks. I also have this weird phenomenon where I can’t listen to audiobooks if I’m on a hot streak with my writing- I find I just space out and think about my story instead of paying attention to the one playing through my car speakers.

The NetGalley thing has also become a problem for me. I have, like, six audio and ebooks on my shelf right now, and I’m already struggling to get through more than ten minutes of an audiobook. I’m behind in book club, and I haven’t touched The Great Hunt in a week because I’ve been really going nuts with my writing.

All this to say, I’m quite literally overwhelmed by all this shit I’m trying to read.

Lowering my reading goal to 75 for this year is a step in the right direction, but with the NetGalley stuff I’m going way over my allotted two open books at a time.

Then there’s the matter of the state of the world right now.

I am much too exhausted, frustrated and disenfranchised to go into all of it, but suffice to say, it’s getting to be a lot. And all this time spent on social media is only making it worse. That’s the only place I get news- I don’t follow headlines or watch it on TV. And while a lot of brave, honorable, tenacious people see what’s wrong with the world and do everything they can to try to fix it, I realistically know that I am a very small drop in a very big pot, and I’m not going to be changing the world anytime soon. My reaction is more like an ostrich. I need to put my head in the sand and remove myself from all this, because all it does it upset me and make me mad.

So what do I do? What’s my action going to be past ranting at you twenty-two loyal listeners?

I’m going to crawl into a (metaphorical) cave.

I’m going to pull back on my Instagram presence, likely only posting once a week, if that, and try to focus on presenting myself as what I actually am (a writer) than what I’ve been trying to masquerade as (a Bookstagrammer). Saige, I love your work on all my beautiful posts, and while I will still be using everything we’ve made together so far, I’m going to be pulling back on the trend posts and try to make it more about my writing.

I’m going to get through the stuff on my NetGalley shelf I’ve already got, then mediate this reading burnout. As soon as I can, I’m taking a break from audiobooks and I’m going to try to catch up on my favorite podcast instead (Flanagan’s Wake). I will read one book at a time- our book club pick, and a book from my TBR when I’m between book club books.

And I’m going to write like my fingers are on fire.

My brain is full to the brim with my current active projects, and I’m going to do my best to relieve that pressure as often as possible. This may mean slowing down on my reading, but ultimately, being a successful writer is what I want more than anything. And the only way to get there is by writing- not spending hours stressing over social media content, not overburdening my throbbing brain with five books at a time. Just me, my keyboard, and an iced coffee.

Thanks for sticking around (if you did). But you know, this is what you subscribed for: the inner ramblings of aspiring writers.

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Monthly Writing Goal Update

27,680 / 20,000 words

Well. I wasn’t expecting that to happen. I guess I’ll go treat myself to a new book (or four) as a reward!

Current Projects

I’ve updated my anticipated final word count for Romantasy to 70,000, as I’ve still got quite a bit of plot left. But we’ll see where that ends up!

Cursed Sword was a little neglected this week, but that’s alright- I finally sat down and outlined the plot’s connective tissue, so that one will be all good to fly on as soon as I can tear myself away from Romantasy.

Stasis continues to be my most fun project so far in terms of the writing process. I love the humor in it- zero gravity presents so many goofy situations- and the balance between that and the darkness. Because it’s going to some pretty dark places soon where I’m at.

At the rate I’m working right now, it’s seeming realistic that I might reach the end of Romantasy’s first draft by spring. That would be insane– bringing me up to THREE finished novel drafts. Fingers crossed!

Thanks for sticking around!

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