Lately, Ava and I have been on a roll.

We started a project recently that we have been ale to really sink our teeth into. I don’t think we’re quite ready to give all the details yet, but we’ve been enjoying working on it and have written over 12k in about a week. It’s been a great boon to my writing goals and productivity, but it’s also been a bit of a bane as well.

You see, our project works so well in part due to the heavy themes that we’re focusing on. War, separation, discrimination, etc. It’s emotional, built on real life experiences both past and present, and has the potential to be tragic but beautiful. And it’s stressing me tf out!

This is partially a good thing. It’s important to feel emotionally invested in a work, especially when the goal is to create something meaningful and poignant. But when it starts to creep out of your writing sessions and into your day-to-day life, then it can become a problem.

For a day or two, as our project has ramped up in intensity, I started feeling it more and more. An ever present anxiety in the back of my mind, not over anything specific, but just this level of heaviness and dread that was eating at me. It didn’t help that I have a lot of other pressures on my mind right now, like financial balancing and endless (hopeless) job hunting. I was feeling it at work and at home. It was becoming a problem.

I knew that it wasn’t the only cause, but that brings us to the topic for today: Managing stressors that arise from our projects. This is something that is necessary to practice, and I knew I would be hypocritical if I didn’t do a few things.

The most important one was to step back. I texted Ava on Wednesday and let her know that I needed a break, and that it was something that I needed to work on, not something that she was to blame for. Like the great friend she is, she accepted my need for a break without hesitation, even though I’d be breaking up the great rhythm we’ve maintained, and I’d be forcing her to take a pause on something I know she’s been excited about. Thanks, Ava, you’re a real one.

Work-life balance is something that is heavily talked about, but I don’t see hobby-life balance being mentioned as much. It’s funny to think about how something we do for enjoyment can become a major stressor, but it’s a real thing! How many of us decide to do homemade gifts for Christmas, only to spend the week before the holiday swamped in yarn or fabric or art? How many of us feel stressed when we aren’t devoting time to a hobby, like letting your gouache paints dry up so much between uses that you need to spend two hours reviving them again? The same is true for writing as a hobby. We like to make ourselves anxious with it.

I feel good about the decision to take a break. Both because it will help me calm my mind down and refocus my investment on the project, and because it will give me the chance to move onto some other projects I’ve been neglecting. The Changeling Prince has been untouched for months, and Fae Marked is about 20k from being done, which I want to have done by June. I gotta get the ball rolling again! This side project has been really nice for getting my word count and motivation up, so hopefully I can keep riding the productivity wave and devote the attention to one of those, letting this side project simmer on the back burner, getting the occasional attention as needed.

I’m not giving up on our project entirely. I don’t think Ava would forgive me if I did. And I don’t want my recent streak of over 2k words a day to die, either. I want to give my brain the break it deserves so I can maintain this momentum in a healthy manner. I want to make sure it doesn’t put a strain on my work or my personal life, which require a lot of socialization. It’s hard to do that when your brain is all jittery.

Anxiety has been something I’ve worked on for a long time. I love to dwell on things, let my mind go down rabbit holes, and freak myself out over almost nothing. In fact, one of my favorite hobbies is creating hypothetical scenarios over things that likely will never happen. The more anxious I am, the more I do this. Last night, I was looking at grad school applications, which is not something I should be thinking about right now.

Guys, it’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to pause something you’re enjoying if it stresses you out. That’s why I never finished Squid Games. And it’s okay to do those things even if it means you need to tell someone no, or not yet. Hopefully everyone can be as accepting as Ava. Our top priority needs to be our mental health. And while sometimes creating through our anxieties can be healing, other times is can be harming, and we need to learn the difference.

I know this week’s article was a little short and personal, but it’s been a bit since I’ve been a bit vulnerable here and I think the lesson is important. Take breaks, get in tune with your emotions and stressors, and don’t be afraid to tell people what your needs are. You’ll be a better writer, artist, and person for it.

UPDATE 3/6

Okay, I wrote the all of the above stuff on the 4th, and I’m happy to say that, just a few days later, I’m already feeling loads better. It helps that I have people checking in on me, and that I have such un-dramatic people in my life. I finished a cross stitch project, did a little retail therapy with my boyfriend, and took a few days to not write much and just let my nerves settle down.

I’m so glad I took this break from this project and gave myself room to breath. Hopefully, by the time this article is out on Sunday, I’ll be just about ready to dive back into this crazy joint project. And when I inevitably need a break again in the future, I’ll be sure I take it.

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