You know, I’ve done some difficult things in my life.

Survived a trip to Germany without parental oversight. Got my upper stomach tattooed. Recently, ripped out the carpet in my living room.

I think all of those things were easier than choosing between my top 32 books read (so far) in 2025.

Here are the 32 books I picked out of the 102 I’ve read this year as of writing this post. I loved them all so much, keep in mind, so the fact that they’re even in this original list of 32 means they were phenomenal reads that I highly recommend.

THE PLAYERS

Whalefall by Daniel Kraus

My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

Life Ceremony by Sayaka Murata

Mary by Nat Cassidy

At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca

The House of My Mother by Shari Franke

Call Me by Your Name by Andre Aciman

Earthlings by Sayaka Murata

Everything the Darkness Eats by Eric LaRocca

Psycho by Robert Bloch

And the Trees Crept In by Dawn Kurtagich

This Skin Was Once Mine and Other Disturbances by Eric LaRocca

Bird Box by Josh Malerman

Don’t Let the Forest In by CG Drews

This Thing Between Us by Gus Moreno

Victorian Psycho by Virginia Feito

Diavola by Jennifer Thorne

Incidents Around the House by Josh Malerman

I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid

The Queen by Nick Cutter

Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata

Piglet by Lottie Hazell

Motherthing by Ainslie Hogarth

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Maeve Fly by CJ Leede

Hungerstone by Kat Dunn

Yellowface by RF Kuang

Chlorine by Jade Song

The Eyes are the Best Part by Monika Kim

Alien Clay by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Skyward by Brandon Sanderson

Red Rising by Pierce Brown

Wow. What a list. I knew immediately there were some ringers in here, and I knew whoever they were pitted against in round one would be knocked out way too early. But alas, the round had to commence.

I put each title in a random list organizer and some of the round one pairings were just unfair, way too hard, or tragic. I’ll start at the top.

ROUND ONE

Winner: My Year of Rest and Relaxation Whalefall was a great story that, as you can guess, mostly took place inside a whale. The interwoven narrative between our MC’s relationship with his father and his struggle to survive was exciting and immersive. It lost, though, to My Year of Rest and Relaxation, the book that finally made me get Ottessa Moshfegh. Both books were great, but the winners in this tournament are the ones that I still think about to this day. I’ll never forget how much MYORAR made me want to get under the covers and lay down while I read it (I actually listened to it while packing for my ten-day road trip!).

Winner: Mary This one was tough. All of these were. I’m gonna say it anyway. Life Ceremony and Mary, two powerhouse authors pitted together. While Murata is a recent addiction for me, I can’t help but still think about Mary. It had a unique atmosphere and some really special characters.

Winner: At Dark, I Become Loathsome This is one that I just feel bad about. I knew already that At Dark, I Become Loathsome would likely beat out anything it was put against in round one, and it did. I was absolutely riveted, disgusted, inspired and upset by The House of My Mother, so much so that I stayed up three hours past my bedtime because I couldn’t stop reading it. It deserved to last longer, I’m sorry Shari.

Winner: Earthlings Call Me by Your Name and Earthlings would’ve been a lot harder if CMBYN hadn’t ended the way it did. It kind of ruined the whole book for me. I know, I’m a whiny baby. But also, like, have you even read Earthlings? Cuz goddamn.

Winner: Everything the Darkness Eats This one was also a struggle, as I really had a good time with Psycho, both reading and watching the adaptation. I was a big fan of Bates Motel back in the day so it was fun seeing the source material. But Everything the Darkness Eats stuck with me much more, and it inspired some of my writing this year.

Winner: And the Trees Crept In This was the first that made me want to cry. These books were both so amazing. They both really stuck with me and scared my pants off. But I had to pick one, and I went with And The Trees Crept In purely because of that creepy ass cake scene. I think about that while trying to fall asleep sometimes.

Winner: Don’t Let the Forest In Ouch, this one stunk too. Bird Box was my second Malerman and a great freaking ride, but I think Don’t Let the Forest In is one of my favorite love stories of all time, and it inspired most of the romance in my project Father Cruz.

Winner: Victorian Psycho I really can’t wait for more from Gus Moreno, I loved This Thing Between Us. But Victorian Psycho is gonna be a really heavy hitter on this list, it made my month.

Winner: Convenience Store Woman This one was another really hard one. Sayaka Murata has literally changed my life and the way I view society, but Piglet was such a real, relatable ordeal. In the end, it’s Convenience Store Woman that my mind still drifts to unbidden.

Winner: The Song of Achilles This one was just tragic. Motherthing really deserved to go further than round one. It was so good and creepy and unhinged. It was well written, hilarious, and made me an instant Ainslie Hogarth fan. But I’m worried that The Song of Achilles literally can’t be beaten. It’s gonna be a tough game, folks.

Winner: Chlorine Seriously, this random list organizer really did some awful things to me here. It truly saved the toughest pairings for the last few; from here on out it’s just terrible choices I had to make. Ultimately, while these two both stand clear and present in my head, I went with Chlorine, because it had just such a riveting narrative and a left-turn ending.

Winner: Alien Clay Seriously, what the hell. You’re making me choose between a Tchaikovsky and freaking The Eyes Are the Best Part? What’s wrong with you? God. I went with Alien Clay despite the pain of this choice purely because of the nice uplifting message.

That sucked. And I’m presumably going to do this again at the end of the year. Whose idea was this?

And that was just round one.

ROUND TWO

I hate this.

The hardest decision in here was by far Alien Clay vs. Red Rising. I also hate that I lost all my Sayaka Muratas here. Also, goodbye Ottessa.

My Year of Rest and Relaxation vs. Mary- Winner: Mary

At Dark, I Become Loathsome vs. Earthlings– Winner: At Dark, I Become Loathsome

Everything the Darkness Eats vs. And the Trees Crept In– Winner: And the Trees Crept In

Don’t Let the Forest In vs. Victorian Psycho– Winner: Don’t Let the Forest In

I’m Thinking of Ending Things vs. Incidents Around the House- Winner: I’m Thinking of Ending Things

Convenience Store Woman vs. The Song of Achilles- Winner: The Song of Achilles

Maeve Fly vs. Chlorine- Winner: Maeve Fly

Alien Clay vs. Red Rising- Winner: Alien Clay

I don’t want to keep going.

ROUND THREE

I’m suffering. I feel like an executioner. I’m having a bad time.

When I realized I had to choose between I’m Thinking of Ending Things and The Song of Achilles, I started to sweat. My hands grew clammy. I could hear every little sound in the busy office around me. Tom coughed. Tammy’s phone rang. Ciro chugged the rest of his Rockstar. And I still hadn’t decided. I typed aimlessly, filling this blog post with a pointless chunk of text to avoid making the choice before me. My vision grew blurry. My fingers twitched, shaky on the keyboard.

Fuck. Fine. I guess it’s The Song of Achilles.

ROUND FOUR

I’m getting the shakes. I think my blood pressure is plummeting. Words no longer hold meaning.

FINAL ROUND

Now that we’re here, let’s go into detail exactly why these two have stuck with me.

My sweet baby. My darling Maeve. You came to me at just the right time in my life. This book was my introduction into the “weird girl” horror genre. The sarcastic, biting narrative voice. The hilarious oxymoron of a hypersexual, sarcastic, psychopathic woman holding a job as a Disneyland princess and loving it. The horrifying chimera dolls left around Hollywood. Johnny Depp (maybe?). Ice rink burns. The curling wand. This book left an imprint on the inside of my brain. I want to be CJ Leede’s friend. I want to drink wine with her and watch Tusk.

Oh, Andrew and Thomas. I get so burnt out on academic settings. Sometimes I feel like it’s a default for YA. In this one, though, the academy felt like its own character. Our two romantic leads were fully fleshed out, with personalities and interactions that weren’t always on the same page to good effect. We had just enough conflict and friction between these two without it feeling contrived, and the eventual conclusion of their narrative feels earned and perfectly built. As someone who is not particular to the romance genre, this love story felt like falling in love for the first time.

I have to get this over with. My heart rate right now, according to my FitBit, is 90 BPM. Sitting down. At my desk. Doing nothing but typing this.

Here we go.

No more suspense.

Here’s the winner.

WINNER

Gonna go lay down in the breakroom now. I did not enjoy this.

See you in December for the second tournament.

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