(Don’t forget to check the end of this post for my third December Writing Goals update!)

Hello hello friends!

Saige is quite literally the best at coming up with sister posts for us to do on here. You may remember our Swappies from November where we took turns writing 100(ish) word chunks to create some wonderfully unique stories. Yeah, that was her idea too. And this one was just as fun!

You haven’t seen Saige’s sister post to this one yet (that’s coming on Sunday), but I’ve read it and I can say that Saige definitely found some previously untapped potential in the genre. I’m glad she had such a good time with it and I hope she revisits the genre whenever she pleases!

I found myself on the more unsure side about my entry here. My genre swap is, of course, Saige’s signature- a Fae story. I did my best to follow Fae rules and keep it light, but I’m always insecure when I write outside my usual little box. Hey, it’s comfy in there- it’s where I keep my Nutter Butters!

I hope it’s enjoyable to you all. I leaned more toward the comedy side than the magical side, but hopefully you still have a good time with it. Enjoy!

The Sample Table

by Ava Christina

            Ilia poured the protein shake with great care into tiny plastic sample cups.

         She took special care not to spill a single drop on the red gingham tablecloth, which she had draped over her folding table only minutes before. The protein shake was white and bubbly with froth, and the smell that arose from the sample cups reminded Ilia of both fresh vanilla and milk that was actively spoiling.

         Ilia had never understood the appeal of protein shakes. But the samples were perfect for what she had in mind.

–

         Yanni walked briskly past the seasonal décor and clearance shelves. She was not happy to be at Costco that day.

         Her powder-blue athletic leggings swished as she wove her way past a mother with four kids in tow, each brat screaming about a different perceived wrong. She gritted her teeth as a group of teenagers in paisley bandeau tops and wide-legged jeans sauntered past. They took up most of the aisle, all walking in a line, and Yanni had to push down an urge to slap the phone from the nearest girl’s manicured hand.

         Yanni hated going to Costco on the weekend. But Julie had forgotten to put the chicken on the counter to thaw.

         So now here was Yanni on her way home from Pilates, fighting for her life past hordes of screaming children and inconsiderate teens, all for one package of fresh organic chicken breast.

         Yanni loved her wife, but if her forgetfulness ended up being the reason she had to entertain her in-laws while fighting a migraine tonight, Julie would owe her a week’s worth of back massages.

         Yanni thought perhaps, as she stalked past the bread aisle and narrowly dodged past a worker on a pallet jack, she might be more testy than usual this morning because of her missed breakfast.

         She always tried to prep for her Pilates classes with a nice protein bar. It fueled her workout and kept her from getting too peckish right afterward. Today she’d somehow forgotten to snag one on her way out after kissing Julie on the cheek. As a result, her stomach gurgled as she hurried past crackers and cookies and cake batter boxes.

         So, when she saw the sample table, it was like an answered prayer.

         All thoughts of the chicken, her exhausting in-laws, and her irritation with Julie vanished as Yanni saw the gorgeous young worker standing there with a table stacked full of tiny plastic cups filled with liquid protein. The woman had doll-like freckles and angular brows and a nose like a button. She looked almost like a little pixie.

         Yanni’s grimace of irritation melted as she approached the table, and the cute worker returned her smile right back.

         She saw the woman’s amber eyes dart down and to the side, and Yanni knew she was checking out her muscles and tattoos.

         You’re lucky I’m married, girlie, Yanni thought, and wondered what Julie would think of this little garden sprite of a catch. They loved pointing out beautiful women to each other while in public; it was a game for them.

         “Hello,” the freckled woman said. “Can I offer you a sample? It’s a new recipe.”

         Yanni grinned. “You know, I’d love one. Missed my breakfast this morning, and I’ve got a stressful day ahead.”

         The woman’s eyes flicked over her biceps again. “Just came from the gym?”

         “Pilates, yeah.”

         The woman’s face brightened as she smiled even wider. “I bet you have really strong shoulders!”

         Yanni laughed, then grabbed one of the tiny plastic cups of frothy shake. She gulped the small portion down eagerly, and was trying to formulate a negatory response if this woman continued to put moves on her when the Costco spun around her. There was a bright blue light, then nothing.

–

         One down, Ilia thought with a smirk. And those shoulders! She’ll be perfect. She glanced around to make sure none of the chaotic shoppers had seen the athletic woman disappear in a bright blue flash. Nobody was paying her any mind.

         She began to wait again.

–

         Rod could not find his wife.

         They’d been together when they walked in, that much he was sure of. And they’d been together at the bread aisle, but by the time Rod was surrounded by pallets of canned chili, she was nowhere in sight.

         She did this to him often. Something would catch her eye, and she would wander off without a word. Rod would constantly find himself asking her about a product or their grocery list, only to be met with silence. He would then spin around and find her fifty feet away, feeling a pair of fuzzy socks between her fingers, or examining a display of discounted wines.

         He often called his wife his little squirrel, and it wasn’t just because she was cute and small.

         “Keisha?” He called out, and was only rewarded with an irritated glance from a middle-aged woman in beige leggings that jumpscared him into thinking she was walking around pantsless.

         Rod sighed and resigned himself to their old game. He would walk to the end of his aisle, then slowly pace back and forth, looking down each one for his wife. Once, he’d completed a search of every grocery aisle in a Walmart before giving up and calling her cell phone, and she’d explained that she’d been in the chips aisle the whole time. The aisle from which he’d started.

         “Keisha, baby?” He tried again, raising his voice a bit louder.

         His wife did not appear around the corner, so he strode down the aisle.

         But when he emerged out the other end, something caught his eye.

         An adorable little freckled woman giving away samples at a cheery folding table. Little cups of white liquid dotted the gingham cloth, and Rod saw display bottles of a protein shake brand he’d never heard of before.

         The displayed price per bottle was three dollars cheaper than the brand he’d been drinking for two years.

         She’ll just have to find me this time, Rod thought, and approached the table.

         “Hello, sir. Can I offer you a sample? It’s a new recipe,” the woman said with a cheery smile.

         Rod reached for a tiny cup, the cords in his strong forearms twitching with the motion. “Sure. This stuff is way cheap!”

         “Are you a bodybuilder?” The woman asked, gesturing to his muscles, visible clearly despite his loose black T-shirt.

         Rod chuckled. “Pretty easy to tell, huh?”

         The woman only smiled as he sipped the vanilla-flavored liquid, some of it splashing up and wetting his philtrum.

         Then Rod saw a flash of blue light, and the Costco faded to black.

–

         One more and I should have enough, Ilia thought as she gave a cursory wave at a toddler that was openly staring in her direction. The toddler tugged on his mother’s hand and pointed, but the woman ignored him, continuing her conversation on her cell phone.

         I love those little rectangles, Ilia thought with a smile. Always keeping them distracted.

–

         Benny wanted to look at the toy section. There were so many things in there- trucks, Barbies, dinosaurs, plushies- and Benny’s mamá always let him pick one out when they went to Costco. He wasn’t ready to start begging quite yet, but if his mamá started leading him toward the checkout line without taking him to pick out a toy, he was ready to start screaming.

         Benny was ruminating on this, as much as his three-year-old mind could ruminate, when the lady caught his eye.

         She had a kind smile like his babysitter, Señorita Isabel. Her round cheeks were dotted with freckles, and her facial features reminded Benny of his favorite doll, an orange-haired fairy named Poppy. The woman waved at him, smiling. He liked her. He wanted to go say hi.

         Benny tugged on his mamá’s hand and pointed, but she continued to talk faster than he could follow on her cell phone. Benny liked her cell phone; she let him play games on it sometimes. But other times, she ignored him and only talked to the cell phone instead of him.

         “Mamá,” Benny said, pulling on her hand.

         “Un momento, mi hijo,” his mamá replied quickly before continuing her constant stream of chatter.

         Benny felt his eyes water with frustration, and was considering a good, cathartic cry until his mamá began to guide him in the direction of the freckled lady, albeit in a distracted manner.

         Benny stared at the freckled lady as they made their slow way in her direction. They stopped so his mamá could inspect a box of Reddi-Rice before placing it back on the shelf, still chattering into her phone almost without pausing for breath.

         The next time he looked, a woman in pink shorts with big muscles was talking to the freckled lady. His big brown eyes watched as the pink-shorts lady reached out a hand for one of the little cups of white stuff, then cry out with surprise as she knocked over several of the cups, apologizing profusely.

         The freckled lady smiled and consoled the woman as the white liquid from the spilled cups began to drop down the side of the little folding table, making a small puddle on the floor.

         Then the pink shorts lady reached out again and took a sample cup, upending its contents into her mouth.

         Benny watched with the believing eyes of a toddler as the pink shorts lady disappeared in a flash of blue.

         Then the freckled lady smiled and snapped her fingers, and she too was lost in the same blue light, and this time, the entire sample table disappeared with her.

         Benny’s mamá let go of his little hand briefly to grab for a jar of peanut butter off the shelf, her other hand still supporting her phone against her ear.

         He took the opportunity to sneak away then, taking his unsteady, stumpy-legged steps toward the spot where the table had been. The puddle of white goo was still coagulating on the tiled floor.

–

         Yanni blinked slowly as the world came back into focus.

         Her eyes burned from the flash of light. Her first thought upon awakening was that she was sure to end up with that migraine now.

         As her vision adjusted, she realized she was still standing.

         And found that she was in a cage.

         The bars were not metal or wood, but a glowing blue light, the same shade of the one she’d seen just before she-

         Before she what, exactly? Teleported?

         Yanni looked past the glowing blue bars and found that she was imprisoned in the center of a living room. She was instantly reminded of Julie’s cottagecore Pinterest boards. Vines and potted plants of all shapes and colors took up every surface in the room, hanging from wall shelves and lining windowsills. The furniture was mismatched in a purposeful sort of way, the cushions of the couch well-worn but scrupulously clean, the wood of the tiny round table and two chairs were shiny with age but clean of any stains or scrapes. There was a faint smell of flowers and baked goods in the air. She heard no voices, saw no other people.

         The hell? Yanni thought.

         She expected to be injured in some way, bruised, shackled, even her hair to be mussed. But she couldn’t find anything amiss, aside from the creeping onset of a headache, but she attributed that to the lingering effects of the Costco.

         Next she inspected the inside of her cage. She had enough room to sit down, but not much more than that. The spaces between bars looked to be about six inches. The carpet beneath her was the shaggy orange type that reminded her of her grandmother’s house.

         What exactly are these? She wondered, inspecting the blue bars of light. Wary, she pulled off her sneaker and reached out with it slowly. When the sneaker touched the bar, it vibrated in an instantly awful way, almost exactly like touching an electric fence, which she’d done on several occasions at her childhood friend’s ranch.

         She cried out at the sensation and, in her surprise, the sneaker flew from her hand. It went through the bars, fell down to the carpet and bounced twice before coming to rest some three feet from the cage.

         Yanni stared at it. Great. Whatever’s going on here, I’m going to face it with one shoe.

         That was when she resolved to sit quietly and wait for…

         For whoever brought me here, I guess, she thought, and sat down with her legs crossed.

–

         Yanni didn’t have to wait long for something to happen.

         In a familiar flash, there was suddenly another cage, identical to hers, a few feet away from her in the strange but cozy cottage. Once her vision adjusted from the light, she realized she could hear yelling.

         It was coming from the new cage’s occupant. He was a massive Black man, bulging with the muscles of a dedicated heavy lifter. He stopped yelling, rubbed his eyes, then spun around wildly.

         “What the… Hello? Hello?” he cried, then his eyes fell on Yanni in her cage.

         Yanni looked at him. “Uh. Hey.”

         “What is this? Where are we?”

         “Don’t know either of those,” Yanni answered, “But I do know that touching those bars doesn’t feel good. Don’t recommend it.”

         So of course, the man reached out with his bare hand and yelped.

         “Dude,” Yanni said.

         “Who.. who are you?” he asked, wringing his hand.

         “I’m Yanni,” she said, carefully reaching her arm out through the bars toward him, offering a hand.

         The man stared at her for a few moments, distrusting, before carefully reaching a hand out toward hers, but when he reached far enough that his gargantuan upper arm touched the bars, he gave another startled cry and jerked his hand back.

         “Christ,” Yanni said appreciatively. “Those are huge.”

         The man rubbed his bicep, frowning. “I’m Rodney. Call me Rod.”

         “Rod. Were you… also at Costco just now?”

         Rod looked at her with an eyebrow raised. “Yeah. I had…” he looked around, as if for bits of his memory, “A sample? A protein shake.” He paused for a moment, then added belatedly, “It was good.”

         Yanni straightened. “Me too! The sample table!”

         Rod’s eyes were alight. “That woman… Do you think she did this?”

         Yanni hesitated. “I mean, all reason points to yes, but, like, that would mean she used… magic. On us. I mean, I literally blinked and then I was here. That has to be magic, right?”

         Rod thought for a moment, crossing his massive phone-book-ripping arms across his barrel chest. “I don’t see why not.”

         Yanni exhaled and looked around the room again, not looking for anything in particular. “Alright. Okay. So we’ve been magically transported and imprisoned by some sort of… witch?”

         “Fairy,” Rod said softly, then found Yanni staring at him in confusion. He shrugged. “Her face, the freckles. I don’t know. She just reminded me of a fairy.” He looked down, self-conscious.

         “This place does have more of a Winx Club vibe than a Hansel and Gretel witch vibe, so I guess we can call her that for now,” Yanni said, rubbing at her forehead. She was feeling a bit overwhelmed at the turn of events her afternoon had taken.

         There were a few moments of silence, then Rod began to chuckle, a sound like boulders rolling down a hill.

         “What?” Yanni said, fighting to keep her face straight.

         “It’s just… My wife,” he said, then the chuckles turned into belly laughs. “I always lose her in the store, and this time, she lost me!”

         Then Yanni was laughing too. The situation was too absurd not to.

         A third flash of blue light cut their laughter short. Another cage flashed into existence beside Rod’s, and Yanni had to lean and peer between the bars of the two cages to see another woman, shorter than her, wearing pink biker shorts and whimpering.

         “How many can fit in here?” Yanni wondered aloud. The cottage was spacious, but not giant.

         “Hey,” Rod said, holding a hand up. “It’s alright. You’re not hurt,” he said to the newcomer, who looked at him and stumbled back a step, causing her to touch her back to the light bars, and she screamed.

         “Shit,” Rod said, turning to Yanni. “Sometimes I forget I can be… intimidating.”

         Yanni raised her voice for the woman to hear her over her screaming. “Hey! It’s okay! We’re trapped just like you!”

         The woman in the pink shorts looked around and saw Yanni. She closed her mouth and returned to her whimpering, which Yanni appreciated heartily, given her incoming headache.

         “Where-“ she began, but was cut off as a brilliant flash of blue light tore through the center of the cottage.

         When it faded, Yanni could see the freckled sample girl, standing free and smiling.

         “Great! We’re all here,” the girl said, and clasped her hands before her in excitement.

–

         “Now,” Ilia said, standing there, still in her Costco worker uniform, “You’re probably all a little confused.”

         All three of her captured mortals began talking at once, and she put up her hands. They quieted.

         “I haven’t brought you here to hurt you, and I give you my word that if you do as I request, you will be returned to where I stole you from.”

         “Why should we believe that?” the man asked in a strong voice.

         Ilia gave him a flat look. “Um. I’m Fae. I literally can’t lie.”

         “What is this?” the pink shorts girl whimpered, tears in her eyes.

         “Hey, you don’t gotta do that,” Ilia said, snapping her fingers. She released the magic on all of the cage bars and the room dimmed considerably without their glow. “It’s alright, see? I give you my word, I won’t hurt you.”

         The pink shorts girl started for the front door, a beautiful oak piece inset with stained glass. It had been a gift from Ilia’s mother. She raised a hand, and the edges of the door glowed blue.

         “Sorry, can’t let you do that,” she said with regret. “Mortals really shouldn’t go out in the Fae realm without supervision. It can really mess you up. Your mind, I mean. Well, I guess there are the Fae beasts and they really like the taste of mortal flesh, but can you really blame them?”

         Ilia stopped as she realized her captives were staring at her with wide, frightened eyes. The pink shorts girl continued to cry.

         “Sorry, sorry, that’s not- I just- Okay, look. I brought you all here because I need help,” Ilia said in her most disarming voice.

         The blue-leggings woman and the muscled man exchanged a glance.

         “Our help?” The man said.

         “Yeah. Here, take a seat,” Ilia said, gesturing to the couch and stuffed chairs surrounding her oak coffee table, which overflowed with plants and ceramics she’d fired herself.

         The blue-leggings woman was the first to move. First, she walked over and picked up her missing shoe. Then she made her slow way to the floral-patterned armchair and lowered herself gently, as if expecting it to blow up. It didn’t. She put her shoe on and got to work tying the laces.

         Her safe arrival into a seat spurned the other two to join her, though Pink Shorts was still sniffling.

         Ilia smiled and snapped.

         Nothing happened.

         She frowned, then groaned.

         “Damn, I keep forgetting,” she said to herself, then looked out at her seated mortals. “So sorry there’s no tea. It’s kind of part of my problem I need help with. You, Pink Shorts. You can stop crying now, please.”

         Pink Shorts looked up with wet eyes. “My name isn’t Pink Shorts. It’s-“

         “Don’t!” the man cried, springing to his feet.

         Both mortals looked at him.

         “Haven’t you read a book before?” the man said, shaken. “You never give a Fae your name. They have power over you if you do.”

         Ilia smiled. “At least one of you beefheads has a brain. He’s right, Pink Shorts. That’s why I didn’t ask for it. Sign of goodwill.”

         Pink Shorts looked stunned, then finally appeared to relax some.

         “Okay, wow, this has really gotten away from me,” Ilia started. “Okay. I brought you all here using my protein shake-“

         “That’s how you did it!” the man cried again, still on his feet. “Never accept food from a Fae. They can use it to transport you to the Fae realm.”

         “Dude, where did you learn this stuff?” Blue Leggings asked.

         “Audiobooks,” the man said gruffly. “Got a problem?”

         “Hey, no judgment,” she said. “Just surprised.”

         “Hey, guys?” Ilia said, waving a hand to get their attention. “I was kind of talking.”

         “I’m sorry,” the man said. “Just got a little excited.” He sat back down.

         Ilia exhaled. She was regretting so many things at that moment.

         “Okay. As I was saying, I brought you all here using the protein shake. I thought it would lure people who work out, you know? Athletic people, like you guys. See, I’ve recently-“

         Everyone jumped, including Ilia, as another flash of blue light blinded them all.

         When it faded and their retinas adjusted, Ilia groaned.

         “What the hell?” the man said.

         “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding,” Ilia said, throwing a hand over her eyes in exasperation.

         A toddler stood in a blue-light cage in the middle of her cottage, looking around with wide brown eyes. There was sticky protein shake smeared across his chin and nose.

         He looked around. His lip began to quiver.

         “For fuck’s sake,” Ilia said and snapped her fingers. The cage bars disappeared.

         The toddler made an uncertain noise that indicated he was well on his way to a full-on bawl. Then his eyes landed on Ilia, and his face melted into recognition.

         He stumbled toward her on stubby legs, babbling, “Fairy!”

         Ilia looked to her mortals for help as the child extended his arms up to her, giggling.

         “How did-“ the man began.

         “I spilled some,” Pink Shorts said in a quiet, thick voice. “When I knocked those cups over. He must’ve eaten it off the floor.”

         “Oh, gross,” Blue Leggings said, gagging. “Only a toddler would eat off the floor of a Costco.”

         “This is not ideal,” Ilia said uselessly and sighed heavily. “We’ve got to get rid of him or we’ll never get this done.”

         “Get rid of him?” Blue leggings repeated with horror.

         “Whoa, not like that,” Ilia said, insulted. She went into the kitchen, the child trailing behind her like a cat. She pulled a cloth off the top of the big wooden bowl that had been left on the counter. Inside was a thick goo tinged a corpselike blue color. It smelled like vanilla and honey.

         Ilia opened a drawer and reached for a spoon, but it wouldn’t move when she curled her fingers around the handle and lifted.

         “Arggh,” Ilia growled, then whirled around and stomped back to the living room, where her captives watched with big eyes.

         “One of you, come here please.”

         Nobody moved.

         “For shit’s sake, I just need one of you to lift this spoon!”

         Blue Leggings decided to be brave, apparently. She followed Ilia into the tiny, cramped kitchen.

         “Just any of those, please,” Ilia said, rubbing circles on her temples.

         Blue Leggings took a spoon from the open drawer, hesitant, as if expecting something momentous.

         “Great,” Ilia said. She pointed at the toddler clinging to her leg. “Now feed him some of that,” she said, gesturing to the wooden bowl of blue sludge.

         “I’m not sure how comfortable I am feeding a baby some random goo that’s been sitting out for who knows how long,” Blue Leggings said, gesturing with the spoon.

         Ilia was losing her grip on her patience and her sanity. She exhaled and forced her voice to stay steady.

         “I give my word that the ‘random goo’ will do nothing to the kid aside from send him right back to where he disappeared,” Ilia said.

         Blue Leggings looked at her for a moment, then nodded. “Okay.”

         She scooped a generous serving of the goo out of the bowl and lowered the spoon down  to the child, who turned his head away and hid behind Ilia’s leg.

         “Oh, it’s gonna be like this, is it?” Blue Leggings said. She looked at Ilia. “This is why I’m not having kids.”

         What commenced was a chaotic and horrendously loud chase through Ilia’s kitchen and the rest of the cottage as Blue Leggings tried to get any amount of the goo into the child’s mouth. He evaded with expert skill, taking down plant pots and tapestries in his path. When the situation began to feel hopeless, the man stood and attempted to herd the child toward Blue Leggings, which earned him a hearty smack directly in the groin. He crumpled to the floor as the toddler zoomed away, laughing and knocking over Ilia’s white orchids and spilling dark potting soil across her wooden floor.

         Finally, the issue was resolved by Pink Shorts, who helpfully suggested that they simply leave a puddle of the blue goo on the floor and pretend the child didn’t exist. “It worked with the protein shake,” she said, and none of them could think of a better solution, so onto the floor it went.

         Two minutes later, Ilia’s shoulders slumped with relief as the toddler winked out of her realm. She simply sat for a moment, regretting every line of thought that had led to this decision.

         “Um, I’m getting kind of hungry,” Blue Leggings said, and Ilia looked at her.

         Ilia sighed. “My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago. He was kind of a dick about it. He enchanted all my furniture so that I, or any other Fae, can’t move it while it’s in my house.” She gestured vaguely around the cottage. “It’s why I needed you to move that spoon. I can’t move anything in here unless it’s not in the house, but I obviously can’t take it out of the house.”

         “That’s… Wow,” Blue Leggings said. “Pretty diabolical, really. Can you like, get under the covers in bed at least?”

         Ilia shook her head. “Nope. That’s why I lured you all with a protein shake. I needed strong, athletic mortals to help me move all my stuff out of here.”

         The man spoke. “That’s why you kidnapped us? You need help moving?”

         Ilia puffed up her chest. “Yep. Pretty proud of the whole thing, really. I bet Lucian didn’t think I’d be able to sort this crap out so soon. That asshole.”

         “Wait,” the man said, “if you can’t even pick up your spoons, how’d you make the protein shake and…” He glanced at the coagulating blue goo on the floor. “That?”

         Ilia smiled. “I bought it. I have a friend who does custom concoctions.”

         “So,” Pink Shorts said, “You need us to move all your stuff out of here. Where are we going to put it after that?”

         “Oh, I can handle all that stuff once it’s outside,” Ilia said with a dismissive wave. “I’ve got a new place lined up, and I’ll just winnow it over there.”

         “This is the weirdest day of my life,” the man said with a far-away look in his eyes.

         “Still better than cooking for my in-laws,” Blue Leggings said. “Speaking of, when we get back to Costco, can you guys remind me to pick up some chicken?”

         “So everyone’s good?” Ilia said, beginning to bounce excitedly on her heels.

         The man shrugged. “Sure. Should be easy.”

         “Yeah, I’ve helped a ton of friends move,” Blue Leggings said. “But they usually give me pizza when we’re done.”

         Pink Shorts nodded. “I’ll do it for pizza.”

         “Mortals are fascinating,” Ilia said quietly.

         “Dude, this is some alternate Fae world,” Blue Leggings said, rolling her eyes. “What makes you think they have pizza?”

         “Aww, man,” the man said, sagging. “Now I want pizza.”

         Ilia looked at them. “We have pizza.”

         “What?” the man said.

         “Of course we have pizza,” Ilia said. “It’s like, the best mortal invention of all time.”

–

         Later, Ilia sat in her new living room, her furniture and plants (the ones that survived the toddler) already in place. By winnowing the furniture, she was able to instantly place everything in its right place with a snap of her fingers once it was outside her old cottage.

         Blue Leggings, the man, and Pink Shorts sat around her, sweating and fanning themselves with their hands. It had been hard work, but none of them had complained. They seemed to revel in the physical labor.

         Ilia thought it was simply fascinating. She vowed to herself to try to spend more time around mortals after this. They were just so interesting.

         Then, as promised, she snapped her fingers, and two steaming hot, greasy, cheesy pizzas appeared on the coffee table before them. They all dug in eagerly.

–

         Yanni unlocked her front door and pushed it open. She wanted to get in the shower immediately; between Pilates and her afternoon activities, she reeked of sweat.

         She walked inside the apartment, and then Julie was there, kissing her on the cheek and squeezing her shoulder.

         “Hey babe,” Julie said, stepping back to look at her wife. “Wow, tough Pilates class today? You’re sweaty,” she said, teasing.

         “You don’t know the half of it,” Yanni said. “I need a shower, pronto.”

         Julie looked at Yanni again, her face confused. “I thought you were stopping by Costco. Where’s the chicken?”

         Yanni stared at her wife, then said, “Shit.”

---

I hope y’all had a fun time with this, and maybe it made you laugh (or do that weird silent exhale of air that you do when you’re typing “HAHAH”). Thanks again to Saige for this great idea! It’s always fun to stretch my writing muscles in weird poses they’re not used to. Feeling a little sore, actually. Maybe I should drink a protein shake…

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December Writing Goal Update #3: 12/10-12/16

Goal #1: 30,000 words across all projects

Guys, I went kind of crazy this week. I wrote almost 18,000 words in 6 days. All of this was spent working within my Scrolls of Malthea series, which has really grabbed me by the hair lately- I hit the 20,000 word mark in Project Romantasy!

Goal #2: Finish Father Cruz

I actually worked on this goal for the first time in at least a week! Yay me! I bit the bullet and wrote over 2,000 words for it in one day. While I know it’s got its problems, it is very fun to be back with these characters and making some CRAZY shit go down for the finale.

Goal #3: Short Story Collection

I didn’t do too much on this one this week other than do a tiny bit of formatting for the document. That actually made me feel a little better, though- changing my doc size to something closer to book size (A5), I realize I now have about 150 pages, which gets me much closer to my desired page count of at least 200. I did finish two short stories that I haven’t added to the doc yet, so that will bump me up by a few thousand words.

Things are coming along nicely, and I cannot wait to see how far I can get by the end of this binge. Thanks for sticking around!

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