I spent the last week of May in Marion, Montana in a lovely Airbnb cabin. We brought along food to cook ourselves, way more books than I could read, and even a Lego set I’d been meaning to complete for a while. I also brought my laptop, of course. There’s always that romantic daydream I have (and you probably do, too) of finally having the entire day to yourself, no interruptions or distractions.

I imagined writing tens of thousands of words with all that time. Not to mention the lovely inspiring scenery of Flathead Lake and the surrounding areas. Here’s the view from our front door:

Beautiful, right? Can’t you just see me sitting out on that porch, pounding away at the keys and drinking in the inspiration of that landscape?

There was also a great view from the table where I kept my laptop most of the time:

I even had access to an espresso machine there, as you can see from that Instagram-worthy glass of iced coffee!

So, what did this lovely break from the mundane humdrum of a 9-5 life do for my writing?

Absolutely nothing, my dude.

The writing I was able to force myself to do consisted of about 400 words in Dig Down and about 3,000 that finished a short story I’d started a few weeks ago (I absolutely hate the entire thing, by the way).

So, what happened? How could I have possibly squandered the world’s greatest opportunity to vomit out an entire novella without distractions?

Turns out, I thrive in structure.

I need the routine of going to work, having my Word doc open and pecking away as I have time between tasks. I also didn’t have the opportunity for the kind of exercise I’m used to in the mornings (Lagree- like Pilates but way harder). I think the lack of my usual structure, which comforts and soothes me, combined with a physical restlessness from lack of my usual level of activity just caused me to short-circuit.

I mean, it’s not like I didn’t do anything. I finished four books while I was there. And we did a nice hike at Glacier National Park:

I also finished that Lego set and did some work for next week’s blog post. But the writing I did manage to do was stilted, clunky, and incredibly unfulfilling.

Looking at myself honestly, I probably should’ve known this would happen. I have a rigid daily routine during the week and even on the weekends. If something interrupts that routine, it’s very easy for me to get stuck like a jammed gear and end up sitting for hours, simultaneously unable to do anything and feeling incredibly bad about myself for not using that time to do “something useful”.

So, really, what did I think would happen if I stripped away all semblance of any sort of routine or structure for five days?

I really have nobody to blame but myself. But! Like all experiences in life, there is absolutely something to be learned from this mistake.

While the writer in a secluded cabin hunched over a laptop seems like the definitive image of creative productivity, everybody is different. We all thrive in specific conditions dependent on our personalities and tendencies. I knew on a surface level that I was a creature dependent on rigid structure, and now that I’ve seen what happens when that structure is stripped away, I know that this kind of thing is not for me.

I’m not saying I can’t handle vacations- I take those all the time. We go all around the PNW for concerts year-round, and each summer we take at least one large trip (last year was the 48-hour American Southwest road trip that culminated in a stay at The Stanley Hotel). But there’s a difference between those usual trips and this one to Montana last week: those trips are (imagine this) as rigidly structured as my daily life.

Not only did I learn that I require structure to feel comfortable enough to create, but I also learned that I’m simply not the kind of person that can relax on a non-structured extended vacation.

Now, I did have a good time- I read Strange Pictures in one single sitting, a luxury I never would’ve been able to afford during my busy normal routine (it was incredible, by the way). I marveled at the beauty of Glacier National Park and ate a Chicago-style pizza that made me tear up a little bit.

But I did not have a productive writing week. And that’s absolutely okay, because I unlocked this new essential truth about myself: I need my routine to create.

Are you a routine-oriented person, or do you require flexibility in your days? How does that influence your own creativity?

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Monthly Writing Goals Update

May Final Count: 21,322 / 20,000 words
June: 794 / 20,000

Honestly, meeting the 20,000 for May feels like lying, since the last few thousand were just that short story I mentioned above that I hate. But Saige always tells me that even if you’re writing garbage, you’re still improving your craft. So, according to Saige, I earned that word count.

And I only managed to fart out about 800 words since I came back to work on Monday (turns out reading House of Leaves is so mentally exhausting it prevented me from writing). But those 800 words brought me to a goal that I’ve been holding onto for a while, and now I’m prepared for my next thing (super secret). I’m going to hold out on you guys until the beginning of next month, but get excited, because I think you’re gonna like it. Here’s a hint: potatoes.

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